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How much money is too much? How much money is too little? These are some of the questions a sommelier may be asking before approaching your table at a restaurant. A sommelier is in a very important position. The sommelier has the responsibility to bridge the gap between the unknown to the appreciated experience. For some wine-lovers, wine is an object to seek, collect, experience and perhaps pontificate.

But for most people and even some wine-lovers , wine is a mystery. At the end of the day, wine is just fermented grape juice, intended to enjoy with or without a daily meal. And yet sommeliers know that it can be so much more, and it should be. Like choosing to create a restaurant menu that offers more adventurous offerings, there is nothing wrong with this scenario.

In fact, a wine list with many small producers is an opportunity to show how to have fun. Then someone sent me a finger. Well…to hell with it. I am presently still hiding out in the suburban flatlands of California. Everything is exactly the same here every day. High of 63F in the daytime, just about freezing at night. No ice, no snow, no wind, no rain, no fog…nothing. Every day is sunny: Never in my life have I been this meteorologically bored. Takes another drink of whiskey. I want to fight George Clooney.

In no particular order: And now for some haiku. A little to clear the head and loosen us up. You said love one another. Nailed you to a tree.

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At this rate I am on track to have all of my resolutions completed by the end of the month. One of my resolutions is to finally start replying to some of the reader emails that have been darkening my inbox for over a year now. The morning after my first story was published on Salon. The first letter in the queue was from the United Arab Emirates.

Ever since that moment, I have had a deep and abiding admiration and love for my readers. Soon people were attaching nekid pictures of themselves. Then came the videos. Then someone sent me a finger. Well…to hell with it. I am presently still hiding out in the suburban flatlands of California. Everything is exactly the same here every day. High of 63F in the daytime, just about freezing at night. No ice, no snow, no wind, no rain, no fog…nothing.

Every day is sunny: Never in my life have I been this meteorologically bored. I opened the bottle of Barbaresco, sniffed it, and all I got was a hot nose of nail polish remover. So I let it sit. The nose morphed into nail polish remover and rotting newspapers. I let it sit overnight. The next day, it smelled of basement and tasted of rotting fruit.

I called it and poured it down the sink. Although this narrative reads free of emotion, trust me when I say I was not cool, collected or contained. I really, really wanted a nice glass of Barbaresco. I wanted that bright elegance, those cheeky minerals, that pellucid fruit, those lilting flowers, that faint brush of earth.

I wanted it all, and it was a loss. My experience is not singular. In hopes of helping you, here are the five stages of wine grief:. I wanted that wine. Down the drain with the wine and into the recycling with the bottle. On to the next. No matter the most wonderful estate, the most pristine of provenance, the most perfect of conditions, some wine will pass before its time.

All we can do is mourn and move on. And have a bottle of whisky on hand because that almost never goes wrong. Most of the time, the culprit can be found in one simple phrase: Cork taint is also why any good server or sommelier will ceremoniously hand you the cork before tasting—you can smell the potential taint in a dry cork long before you taste the wine.

The wine will smell like wet newspaper or dog, mold, or old sneakers and will usually overpower any natural fruit, spice and other aromas in your wine and shorten the finish of the wine. One could even argue that tasting a corked wine is part of learning about wine. Home Authors Shop Wine. Good-Bye and Thank You!

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